I’ve always been fascinated by violence. What causes someone to be this way? What could be the rhyme or reasons to change someone's seasons letting someone's once warm body grow cold? I think about death a lot. Having to cope with my own at 13, I have never been the same. For me, I look past the questions of an afterlife as the concept of one is antithetical to its own existence. I don’t care about living after I’m dead, I would rather live before I die. Except there is a difference between living and surviving as very few people are left thriving. Most people want something better.

I’ve always been fascinated by being violent, specifically murder. How can you take a life? At which point could destruction become synonymous with human nature? When did we lose our empathy? At what point did we conflate revenge for justice? I wish we lived in happier times. I have more questions than I will every have answers four more mass shootings for us to ignore. I’m sure I remember babies washing on shore. I’m sure war will never do anything else but justify more, at what point is “enough” enough? By the type we care to see we will all be blind. By the time humans learned peace we will have destroyed all the places to be peaceful. Were we never peaceful? Was there never a time when we didn’t lay down single fire lines of ammunition to get a point across.

Domestic and International
Rationally Irrational
Fearing what we refuse to understand is something I never understood, like it isn’t for me to. The people who sign out declarations of war are the farthest from living in its consequences. Slaughtering a country’s child for crimes they didn’t commit. Imagine being beaten and condemned when you don’t submit. What does it say to the world when BDSM subculture has more compassion than state senators? We will whitewash the darkness until there is no longer a reason to be delicate. I would rather be celibate than bring a child into this. That saddens me. That we the people have choses superiority over Unity, and I hate the games we play. Culture wars and wedge issues built from hyping up nonissues as we all get in line to vote for the worst of two evils. People who crave power deserve it the least and current events do nothing but prove that.

My mind is tired. It doesn’t matter who cast the first stone because the way that I see it, we all live in glass houses. Wolfs in sheep's clothing. At some point in time, we are all sinners. There are no gods or kings, only man, and the humans that pretend to be gods are the furthest from one. I hate the system we live in. Being nothing but a wage slave is not what I imagine adulthood to mean. What I mean is that I will work while my body breaks, crumbles into a chasm so that my bones and flesh become fuel for the future generation to start conflict over. This isn’t the movie that I paid to see but we will never be refunded for the cruelty. If anything, we will only pay more for it.

I hate my fascination for violence, it has never brought me peace. I wish I could remain ignorant like a child thinking death is like a video game or pausing a movie. I don’t know if you could tell by now, but I’m angry. As every day goes by, we lose our concept of time. Once second turns to hours, hours turn to days, by the time we blink again it will be December but somehow, I don’t trust the news cycle to remember. Just another tragedy to forget while we cast catastrophe silhouettes. Let's “Never Forget” that we always will. Atrophy has set in.
I’ve never wanted my fascination for violence...
...but it seems my fascination has wanted me.